For years I sat down to write and the blank page intimidated me, or I let others intimidate me and the self-doubt raged within me. Like so many creative types before me, I have often been plagued with insecurities about my talent, about my purpose, if my talent is even related to my purpose… I could go on about the wages of self-doubt, insecurity, and fear, but the truth is no matter what we do in life, if you have a story inside of you and you don’t get it out–it eats at you until you put pen to paper–at least for me it does, and for many other writer’s I know.
I deferred my dreams for over a decade, more like two decades, until one day I woke up and I realized I wasn’t getting any younger, I no longer cared about what other’s thought, what they had to say unless it was positive and/or constructive criticism, and as much as I hated the field I’d been in (Finance, Banking, Accounting) I’d been good at it but it hadn’t fulfilled anything inside me; well, except for paying the bills, and the basic needs like shelter, food, etc. I’d hated it. Not that I mind people, I like people, but I am more or less an introverted extrovert and I need time by myself, I need peace and quiet almost as much as I need the air that I breathe. With the support and understanding from my husband (AKA Mr. Rockstar) and my children, I began writing again.
I decided to take another chance with NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and started writing a novel. NaNoWriMo–Write 50K in 30 days–so if you make it to 50K and win you’ve either got a novella to edit or about half of a novel written that you need to finish. I never did finish that first one, but I did learn a great deal about my writing voice, my style, what doesn’t work for me, and some of what does work for me. Since then I’ve participated every year in NaNoWriMo, as well as most of the Camp NaNoWriMo’s and I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned that I am a writer, plain and simple. Just as I’m an avid reader (AKA a booknerd), and I also love art and have found my way back to that as well.
It’s important to believe in yourself. To pursue your dreams even if your or other’s think that dream is impossible, unrealistic, or irrelevant. As I type this I just turned 48 years old in July, my cousin who was only 4 years older than me passed away yesterday, the same day that a close friend of mine who was my age died four years ago, which just reminds me even more that life is short, too short to not pursue dreams.
My book(s) may never be published, but that’s alright–I’m not writing just to get published, I’m writing for me, for anyone who wants to read my book, and because I need to. I’m writing because I have a story inside of me. I’m writing because it’s what I do and how I am. I will be participating in NaNoWriMo this coming November. I’m in the process of working on my outline for my new/old book, a work-in-progress that I’m redoing from scratch–working title “Witchy Business.” I hope you’ll join me on my journey, and I think you for checking out my post.